I Called Someone on the Phone Every Day for a Week

As an introvert, I don’t require a ton of socializing to refill my cup. Honestly, most weekends, I prefer not speaking to anyone at all and instead relaxing at home with a good book and a bingeable TV series. Nevertheless, when I’m feeling especially burnt out or low, leaning into my loner tendencies can often do more harm than good. During these moments, it can be gratifying to pick up the phone and call a trusted friend or family member to talk things out, even though getting there can be an uphill battle at first. 

Like most of my (Gen Z) generation, which heavily relies on texting, I have a strong reluctance against making or taking phone calls. It’s not because I find phone calls anxiety-inducing—in fact, I prefer a phone call or voice note over a long-winded text chain—but because I feel like phone calls require an additional level of vulnerability and time that I just don’t always have the energy for. Also, as a recovering people pleaser, I still feel a bit of shame asking for help or sharing my problems with another person. 

In an attempt to get over my aversion to phone calls and be more open with the ones I love, I called someone on the phone every day for a week to test if daily check-ins with loved ones would make me feel more connected to my community. I also tapped two relationship experts to get their feedback on the link between regular phone calls and mental well-being. Here’s how it went, and what I learned. 

Calling Versus Texting

Sure, texting is great, but there’s nothing like hearing someone’s voice over the phone during a deep conversation that accidentally goes on for hours to make you feel super connected to that person.

Phone calls can provide a grounding routine, emotional validation, and a sense of connection, which are all protective factors against loneliness, anxiety, and mood disorders like depression, says licensed psychologist Janine O’Brien, PsyD. Phone calls also help support nervous system regulation through co-regulation, she adds.

While texting and voice notes can offer a feeling of connection and community, live phone or video calls allow for real-time emotional co-regulation and relational attunement, O’Brien notes. Practically speaking, phone calls also reduce the chance of miscommunication, which commonly occurs in texting due to the lack of nonverbal cues and the use of acronyms and punctuation, which are often misperceived.

Licensed therapist Tess Brigham, MFT agrees, stating that phone calls provide greater emotional benefits overall. In addition to feeling more personal and allowing for vulnerability, “hearing a loved one’s voice triggers the release of oxytocin and other feel-good hormones,” she adds. 

Benefits of Checking In Regularly

Updating those you love on your day-to-day is not only a great way to stay a part of each other’s lives, especially if you’re long distance, but for folks who live with anxiety, depression, and other mental health conditions, these regular check-ins can be lifelines, says O’Brien. 

When you’re going through a tough time, it’s easy to get stuck in a negative feedback loop and believe you’ll never emerge from this dark period, but a loved one who knows you well can remind you of your strengths, says Brigham. Depression and anxiety can make you speak harshly about yourself but vocalizing your doubts to someone who cares takes some power out of the words and feelings attached, and also allows you to be more subjective about things, Brigham adds. 

If you’re really struggling, having regular phone calls with a loved one also creates a routine and a sense of accountability, “which may be all you need to get out of bed, brush your teeth and start your day,” Brigham adds.

Calling Someone Every Day

Here’s a day-by-day breakdown of all the phone calls I had during this week-long challenge, and reflections on how these phone calls supported my sense of community and connection. 

Day 1

I decided to call my mom to start the challenge, as she’s someone I feel comfortable dialing up without a warning beforehand. She picked up almost immediately, and we started catching each other up on how our days went. I asked her about her flight back to New York from Paris—she, along with my siblings, were in town for the weekend for my graduate school graduation. She asked me about my plans to visit New York this summer

It was around 1 a.m. Paris time or 7 p.m. Eastern time when I called, so our conversation was quite short as I was sleepy and wanted to head to bed soon. Nevertheless, it was nice chatting with my mom, and I felt safe and supported after our call, and maybe a tad melancholic because being long-distance from my family is difficult. 

Day 2

I called my best friend Leslie. We settled on a time right before her babysitting shift at 4 p.m. Eastern time. We mostly caught up on my graduation weekend, and I asked her about her recent long weekend trip to Pennsylvania. We also discussed both of our struggles finding full-time work. Our conversation slowly developed into a deeper conversation about immigration—we’re both children of immigrants—hard work, sacrifice, career goals and dreams, and relationships. 

Day 3

I called one of my oldest friends from college, Sam. I live in Paris and she lives in Washington state, so we coordinated a time that worked for both of us despite the nine-hour time difference. Sam and I don’t keep up consistently—it’s been over a year since our last phone call—but every time we catch up, it feels like no time has passed.

We caught each other up on our work lives, living situations, and relationships. We’re both in transitional periods of our lives right now—Sam is about to embark on a cross-country move and I’m working on figuring out my next steps after graduate school—so we shared our fears around change, talked about the struggles of the job search, and offered each other words of encouragement.

We spent over an hour on the phone, and I felt so refreshed and warm inside after our conversation, especially after having a very emotional morning. Our calls are always filled with lots of laughter and words of affirmation, and I always feel 10 times better after catching up with Sam. Afterwards, we wished each other well and promised to check in more often. 

Day 4

I called my mom again today, as I knew she would be home on a Friday afternoon. She picked up after a few rings, and I caught her up on some exciting career news and also shared updates about my job search. As per usual, I asked her how the family was doing and about everyone’s health. I also got to briefly speak to my cousin, who hopped on the call while my mom was busying herself around the kitchen. The chaotic energy of the call made me miss hom and the constant foot traffic of people coming in and out of our apartment.

I ended the call feeling a bit melancholic because I feel like I’m missing out on so much of my family’s lives while living abroad, but at the same time, I know they’re always there for me. My mom briefly spoke about how much she enjoyed Paris and would visit again, which was reassuring to hear—it might seem far away, but we’re always just a plane ride away from one another. 

Day 5

I called my friend Sharon. It was a bit tough finding a good time, but we managed to hop on a quick call while she was having breakfast in New York, and I was relaxing after lunch in Paris. It had been a while since we had a long conversation, not since Sharon came to visit me in Paris last summer, so we had a lot to catch up on. We spoke about dating and summer plans, and Sharon caught me up on her work life. 

Day 6

I called my sister Johanny. We scheduled a call for Sunday morning Eastern time before her afternoon plans. I had just gotten back from running errands around central Paris, and I shared the outfit I thrifted for the Cowboy Carter tour. I then caught her up on some of my plans for the week and the rest of my Sunday. There wasn’t much to catch up on, considering I had spent four straight days with her when she came to visit me last week, but the call was appreciated nevertheless.

After our conversation, I felt a little bit homesick hearing about my family’s afternoon plans to attend a local block party. There really is nothing like New York City in the summer, and I’m craving a trip there soon.

Day 7

I called my mom for the third time this week. It was nearing 1 a.m. Paris time, so it was a short one. I caught her up on the havoc in the city following Paris Saint Germain’s win of the UEFA Champions League game on Saturday, and she caught me up on Sunday’s block party.

As with all calls back home, many guest appearances were made—including my older sister and dad. Our call was the warm virtual hug I needed right before going to sleep.

Should You Speak to Someone Over the Phone Every Day to Boost Your Mental Well-being?

While daily calls might work for some people, they aren’t necessary—or even ideal—for everyone, says O’Brien. At the end of the day, “consistency matters more than frequency.” 

Personally, by day five, this weekly challenge started to feel more like an obligation or homework than a helpful tool for regulating my nervous system and combating feelings of depression, especially as someone with a relatively low social battery most days. And once something starts to feel like pressure, that’s a surefire sign that your current routine might be overkill, and it’s time to retire a bit. 

Brigham agrees, adding: There isn’t an ideal number of times you need to call someone to maintain a healthy connection. “The question you have to ask is, ‘Does this feel like connection or pressure?’ When it starts to feel like pressure, you know that you’re probably talking more than necessary.”

Potential Challenges

If you’re one of the quarter of Gen Zers who struggle with telephobia, or the fear of making or taking a phone call, checking in with someone over the phone might sound like your worst nightmare. But O’Brien and Brigham reassure that having a phone call doesn’t have to feel high-pressure. 

To ease some of the anxiety, O’Brien recommends starting small. “Try scripting a few key points before calling,” she says. You might even consider role-playing a call with a trusted friend or mental health professional. 

In the beginning, it’s OK to start with short calls or voice notes to build confidence gradually, says O’Brien. After a while, you might find that those fears of sounding awkward or saying the wrong thing will take a back seat, and you’ll be chatting for hours with the person on the other line without realizing it. 

Takeaways

While I don’t think I have the mental or social capacity to hold hours-long conversations with friends and family every single day of the week, this challenge did remind me of the mental health perk of keeping in touch. 

At times when I’m feeling really low and anxious, it’s easy to isolate myself from the world and try to figure things out on my own. It’s much more difficult to admit that I need support and reach out to those who care about me most to talk things through and remind me that I’m not alone.

By creating a rhythm that works for me, let’s say one meaningful check-in per week, I hope to not only stay in the orbit of long distance friends and relatives, but also slowly build a toolkit for maintaining a sense of connection and community, even during those times when my mental health tells me that I have none.