How to Turn an Awkward Moment into a Learning Opportunity

It’s happened to all of us at one point. We’re texting a friend—or so we think—when we realize we’ve accidentally messaged the wrong person entirely. Yikes! 

Jaclyn Spinelli, RP(Q), MBA, CPC, founder of True Self Counselling, can personally attest to this awkward scenario.

Back when Spinelli was using online dating platforms, she went on two first dates on the same day. “For the first one, we sat outside in the Arizona heat,” Spinelli says. “By the end of the date, I was drenched. I meant to text my friend something like, ‘I need to go home and change before date #2 — I am literally soaked in sweat.’ But I sent it to the guy I had just been out with.”

After the initial shock, she made light of the situation by texting the guy back: “Welp, that’s the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to me. Clearly, that wasn’t meant for you. But I did have a great time, and wow was it ever hot out!” 

Like Spinelli, most of us will find ourselves in an embarrassing texting situation at some point. However, like her, we can handle the situation with self-compassion, respect towards the other person, and a little humor if necessary. Here’s a deeper look into what constitutes texting gaffes, as well as ways to cope with—and even prevent—them. 

What Are Texting Gaffes?

According to the Cambridge Dictionary, a gaffe refers to “a remark or action that is a social mistake and not considered polite.” A texting gaffe, by extension, encompasses any kind of unintended mistake made when sending a text message. 

Here are a few common examples: 

• Autocorrect errors: We mean to use one word, but autocorrect changes it to another, perhaps something embarrassing or completely out of context. 
• Messaging the wrong person: Unintentionally sending a text meant for a friend (which might include intimate details about our personal life) to a colleague or acquaintance can be humiliating. 
• Accidentally hitting “Reply All”: When we mistakenly click the “Reply All” button for a message meant for only one person in the group, our privacy may be compromised. 
• Overly emotional texts: Sometimes, we might be extra emotional and need to share what’s on our mind with the other person right away. This can hurt the other person’s feelings and lead to regret on our part. 
• Drunk texts: In a similar vein, we might send an “I miss you” text to an ex after a few drinks. Since alcohol lowers our inhibitions, such messages might seem like a good idea in the moment, but they can lead to shame and embarrassment when we’re sober. 
• Double texting: Sometimes we may feel the need to over-explain ourselves, or continue reaching out to a person if they’re taking too long to reply. This can overwhelm the other person. 
• Overusing (or misusing) emojis and abbreviations: It’s important to consider our audience when we’re texting. Sending emojis and LOLs in a work text or email may not be appropriate, though it’s probably normal (and expected) when we’re texting friends. Carefully consider the words and emojis you use when sending messages, so as not to confuse the other person or behave inappropriately for the context. 

Texting gaffes can have a huge emotional impact on the sender. Vikas Keshri, MSW, RSW, clinical director of Bloom Clinical Care Counseling and Therapy Services, weighs in. “Texting errors may bring [up] intense embarrassment, anxiety, apprehension, and self-criticism,” Keshri says, adding that these digital blunders trigger our brains’ threat-detection mechanism, activating our fight-or-flight response.

Alexandra Hoerr, LCPC, founder of Optimum Joy Clinical Counseling, explains why these responses occur. “We as humans are attachment-based, relational beings,” she says. “This is important to note because we get what we need not only from food, water, and shelter, but also from connection and belonging.” Committing texting gaffes registers in our brains as the potential loss of an essential resource, in this case, an important relationship. 

Immediate Steps to Take

So, how do we cope in the initial aftermath of a texting gaffe? 

Hoerr reminds us to, first and foremost, take a deep breath. “That breath will help with that initial biological response – the spike in cortisol and increase in anxiety,” she says. “It’ll also help calm down the harmful negative internal self-talk where we think, ‘Gosh, I’m stupid. I can’t believe I just did that.’”

Some texting errors won’t require a response at all. Others, such as minor autocorrect errors, can be diffused with a little humor. If we do need to take action, we can apologize. Keshri says to “avoid over-apologizing since that makes smaller issues seem greater than they actually are.”

If we do need to apologize, “an apology sooner rather than later goes a long way,” says Hoerr. If we’ve committed a bigger offense, we should take ownership of what occurred. For instance, Hoerr suggests we might say something like, “’That was wrong of me. I’m so sorry if that had a negative impact. I totally understand if I’ve offended you. I’m sorry. Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?’” 

Long-Term Strategies

Sometimes, the impact of texting gaffes can linger and feel particularly overwhelming. This can often result from maladaptive underlying thought patterns and core beliefs about ourselves.

Keshri urges us to start by reframing our inner dialogue, which is a common method used in cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT). For example, we can change the belief “I’m so stupid!” to “I’m human, and we all make mistakes. I’m not the first person to do something like this.”

Jamila Musayeva, a certified etiquette coach, author, and content creator, reminds us to keep the bigger picture in mind. “People often forget the exact wording of a text, but they remember how you handled the situation,” she says. “A texting gaffe doesn’t define your character, but how you recover might shape how the other person feels around you. Most friendships and professional relationships are stronger than one awkward message.”

Preventing Future Gaffes

Convincing ourselves that we’ll never commit another texting gaffe might be unrealistic. However, we can take active steps to prevent more embarrassing or detrimental ones from happening.    

Musayeva recommends the following: 

• Adding the recipient number or address last, once we’ve written out the text (and always double-checking the recipient)
• Proofreading or reading aloud sensitive messages to get a better idea of how they come across
• Drafting out emotional messages in our Notes app and returning to it once we’re in a better headspace 
• Avoiding sarcasm unless we know the recipient well enough to be sure it’ll be interpreted the right way
• Turning off autocorrect if we’re in doubt about words being incorrectly changed or completed 

Bottom Line

Texting gaffes are a common occurrence in our digital era. While they may sometimes be embarrassing, we can take steps to recover from them, and even prevent them from happening in the first place. 

With a bit of mindfulness and compassion for ourselves, we can approach digital communication from a more healthy perspective.